Status: 29 May 2017

I still have the problem that whenever I lie on my left side in bed, my heart goes THUD! every time I draw a breath. The THUD! feeling is jarring and not pleasant at all.pacemaker-2017-05-29

As breathing is something I still do regularly, you can imagine why I prefer to sleep on my right side. (In parenthesis, WTF happened during that operation? My heart has been on the right of my chest for my entire life – did they go “Well let’s move it back where it should be, while we’re at it?”)

To be fair, I don’t always have that THUD! effect when lying on the left. That means it’s always an unpleasant surprise when it does happen, like when you turn over in your sleep and get woken up by the THUD. (Excuse me for not giving you a statistical breakdown of exactly how often this happens, because when it happens I am trying to get to sleep, not to collect data for an experiment no one wants to know about.)

Because, don’t you know, anything and everything I go through during this “post-operative period” is NORMAL, and FINE. And when I ask them how long the “post-operative period” lasts, they act like I just farted in their faces.

There is also the phenomenon whereby when I bend over (e.g. to pull out weeds or plant a new plant) my heart feels as though it’s beating very fast and going to leap out of my chest. This too is not pleasant, and on a bright sunny spring day, can drive you inside to lie on the sofa and wish you had never survived that damn operation. Some people may be thrilled to spend the rest of their lives on the sofa doing fuckall, but I am not one.

I’m sure it’s NORMAL and FINE though. During this post-operative period, which, absent any sensible information, will last for the rest of my life.

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